All employees of Big JohnsonCo and its subsidiaries are hereby required to read, learn, memorize and live by the following guidelines. Any employee who does not follow these guidelines and rules to the letter will be tarred, feathered, burned with cigarettes, manacled, clubbed, locked in the company stockade, caned, pelted with dung, forced to drink warm Yoo-Hoo, clean Shemps' sock drawer, executed and then suspended without pay for 2 weeks. This is the word of Shemp. So let it be written. So let it be done.
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #1:
- All employees will address Shemp Johnson as either "Sir", "Your Lordship" or "Mr. Shemp" (as in "Please don't send me back in the fields Mr. Shemp. I promises to be good!"
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #5:
- No employee may make fun of Shemp's weight.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #6:
- Employees must share any fried or sugar coated snack food with Shemp.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #9:
- No employee may be smarter than Shemp.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #14:
- Employees of Big JohnsonCo must change underpants hourly.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #15:
- Underpants shall be worn on the outside of pants to facilitate Rule #14.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #21:
- All employees Shall contribute a minimum of 25¢ to the "Shemp Fund" each day.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #24:
- No questions asked will be answered by management. It is up to employees to KNOW what management wants and act accordingly.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #25:
- Management is limited to Shemp only.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #29:
- Do not disturb Shemps quiet time. Shemps quiet time will be anytime that Shemp sees fit.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #33:
- Do not touch Shemp or look at him directly. Bow when he is in the hall.
-
- Big JohnsonCo Rule #34:
- Don't ask, don't tell.
- Go Back
-
-
-